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A 115 page book of fun jokes to read and laugh about when you are bored or depressed, need to blow of steam, etc. Go ahead and buy this book to use in your comedy act if you are just getting started. I promise not to sue you for stealing my jokes as I really don't give a ship...
A 115 page book of fun jokes to read and laugh about when you are bored, depressed, or you simply want to have a good laugh at my expense, etc. etc. Laugh Your A** Off!!! Just Do It! I have skills that some people can only wish to DEVELOP...I just lost 1000 lbs. I divorced my husband. I saw Jesus the other day...I looked in the mirror! Shazaam! How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? 5. 1 to do the job, the other 4 to say, "Is it in yet, is it in " How many gay guys can you fit on a stool? That all depends on how loose they all are...If you were sitting on my face you wouldn't want to answer the phone! What kind of spaghetti does Casper The Friendly Ghost eat? SPOOKETTI Why are Bert & Ernie always fighting? Neither one of them wants to be a BOTTOM! Why is BIG BIRD SO HAPPY? Because he they haven't been able to catch him YET! Why do fish eat fish? I AM THE WALRUS! The next time someone calls you an Asshole just say, "That's right, I am an ASSHOLE...Did you say you want to see my asshole " Prick...wanna see mine...Jerk...that's right, I have beef jerky between my legs...Go To Hell...Yes, it's quite nice this time of year...EAT ME. WHEN? Bastard...who told you my mother wasn't married when she got knocked up...FUCK...WHEN? FUCK YOU...Right HERE? NOW? Who Do You Think Your Foolin'? Certainly NOT YOU! I'm gonna tear you a new asshole...It's about time someone stepped up to the plate...I haven't been laid in 20 years! I'm gonna fuck shit up...why don't you start by fucking your shit up!!! God Dammit, Jesus Christ, You Mother Fucker...That's right, I fucked my mother...Hell, I fucked my whole family...Got Head Got MILF? Got DILF? Do you know what Incest really is? Keep It In The Family Molestation? Keep it outside the family...How do you know you don't have two assholes? How many assholes does it take to satisfy a straight man As many as he can sink his dick into...How did I get HERE? I dunno, how did you get HERE! How Ya Doin' How Ya Doin' HOPE HEALS...SOUND HEALS...LIGHT HEALS! BE WELL...Trailer Park Trash "I'm going back to my trailerpark. I need to lay down at The Trailer Park Trash Institute for Wayward Souls." This what I learned from living with my former Slumlord Donald W.F.: Loose Lips sing big ships, Big Loose Lips Sink even bigger ships, So one day while he was busy telling me these two above statements, I said, "Why don't you shut those loose lips THE FUCK UP.", Never fire all of your ammunition on your 1st volley...So when I moved out of his dumpy Victorian House @ The Nightmare On Irving Street here in Portland, Me I save the best for last...I didn't pay him my last month of rent..., You can get more with honey than vinegar. At which point I started pouring honey all over myself and then I said to La Donelda, "Do you want to lick it off of me..." Always serve revenge COLDLY. So, one day when he was busy saying it, I got up poured myself a really cold glass of ice water and I dumped the ice water all over him..., Let 'em think you've gone away and then FIRE BACK...So, I left and waited 10 minutes & I got my shotgun in my room to prove his point. I ain't nevvvah seen a SLUMLORD run out of the room so quickly to call the Police. It's not like there were any bullets in the shotgun...Anyone want to know what a Hot Karll is? You get below me or below a glass table and I'll pull my pants down and take a dump all over you or the glass table. People who've pissed me off: Sarah Rowell, Misty, Bob, Chris, John D'Ambrosio, Helen Hawl, Jeff DeGallery, Dawn: I pissed on all of them just to get them out of my head...You know, it's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on, unless of course, you like being pissed on... Speaking of being pissed on, I don't mind it. The more the merrier. I'd rather be pissed on any day of the week than pissed off all week long...or years later...still PISSED OFF about some slight some errant human being caused me...laugh
The only collection of the most offensive, politically incorrect and often disgusting (but hilarious) dirty jokes that the hottest comics in the worldwill only tell each other! No-one is spared: ranging from the silly to the sick, the sadistic to the sublime, these are the jokes comedians share only among themselves, finally compiled in one place for the first time ever.
Collects jokes and riddles poking fun at ethnic groups, religions, sex, races, and handicapped people
The scores of new jokes in this volume are way too dirty and offensive to be repeated here. Author Mr. "K" offers a variety of filthy, furiously funny, and totally tasteless jokes. Buy this book and become the life of any party -- or get kicked out of it!
THE BIGGEST, BADDEST, BADASSEST BOOK OF LEWD, CRUDE AND FUNNY-AS-$#!+ JOKES •What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? We do taste like chicken! •What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. •The journalist asked the politician, “Your assistant said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you like to comment? “Yes, I would,” said the politician. “The truth is my assistant has a big mouth.” •A guy walks in on his wife having sex with another man and says, “what the hell are you two doing?” His wife turns to her lover and says, “I told you he was stupid.” •How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy. If you think no joke is too raw as long as it’s funny—this is the book for you! This massive collection of laugh-out-loud and totally politically incorrect jokes is sure to have you and your friends rolling in hysterics.
Taking political incorrectness to a new low, a second tasteless and uncensored compilation of offensive humor includes X-rated riddles, cheap one-liners, and jokes about topics ranging from Viagra to politics. Original.
or those knowing lasses who find most joke books tame, this salacious selection will tickle the funny bone: its packed with filthy fun for girls with no inhibitions. From Anatomy to Zoos via Nuns and Policemen, nothing is sacred. We dare you not to blush.
An uncensored collection of offensive jokes offers tasteless commentary on such topics as bosses, husbands and wives, golf, old people, doctors, kids, religion, stupid people, drunks, animals, and more. Original.
Sometimes a little filth can be exactly what the doctor ordered. As the name of the book suggests these are not clean jokes and they are intended for adults only. Park you worries and troubles at the door and lose yourself in this collection of original jokes. If you enjoy blue humour, and are tired of rehashed and over-circulated jokes, Filthy Jokes for Adults will provide hours of filthy, smutty, naughty, dirty and risqué fun. These jokes were not harvested from the internet but written just for you.
THE BIGGEST, BADDEST, BADASSEST BOOK OF LEWD, CRUDE AND FUNNY-AS-$#!+ JOKES *What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? We do taste like chicken! *What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. *The journalist asked the politician, “Your assistant said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you like to comment? “Yes, I would,” said the politician. “The truth is my assistant has a big mouth.” *A guy walks in on his wife having sex with another man and says, “what the hell are you two doing?” His wife turns to her lover and says, “I told you he was stupid.” *How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy. If you think no joke is too raw as long as it’s funny—this is the book for you! This massive collection of laugh-out-loud and totally politically incorrect jokes is sure to have you and your friends rolling in hysterics.
I wrote this book as I stopped performing Stand-Up Comedy many moons ago as I decided it would be better to just finish up editing my Comedy Tapes & posting those online for people to listen to but then I got overcome by diarhea of the pencil and it's been quite a bumpy ride ever since then: you know how it is: never a dull moment as I laugh at everything as nothing is sacred to me anymore as I think like a Comic does & I'm always walking around w/ a funny look on my face: Go Now, Read This Book TODAY & Buy it and leave it by your nightstand so that you can laugh the blues away...I wrote this funny, filthy dirty little book JUST 4 U as that's what I like doing: writing & editing books that make me laugh mike hunt off 50++ times per day...Library = lie brary Girlfriend = girlfriend can we talk Boyfriend = Not my boyfriend, just a friend...Mama LiedDaddy LiedEverybody LiedDaddy Got Mad About It, Mama did her best to deal with Daddy's anger/rage issuesThe family acted like a co-hesive unit but there was very little love involved in that Dysfunction Junction Family Family...Oh Well...Have A Great Day = Go Fuck Your SelfHave A Nice Day = Go Fuck Your SelfGo Love Your Self = Did you just tell me to go fuck myself If that's what you are thinking, "Then, go love yourself."Bot an organic cu cum ber guess what hapnd to th darn thng it disapeared up mike hunt tried to shite it out but it woodnt cum out so i had th doktor remove it w his fist it kame out kant boleev its nawt butahh how dz it feel 2 b bk to being a workng gurl i bet u feel betahh dnt choo peatahh eatahh i herd u finaly got ur dream job so did eye im movng to sea world i leave tmrw did jew no my azz is tite its so tite u kant get anithng in it xcpt a realy big hawk did jew no a big cok just slides rite in thar ima twat ima twat pleas cum to th office ima twat is relatd to ima coksukr she suks cok lik its going out ov style i lov being me it suitsmi jus fyn njy ur day u ckskr just njy ur day hows ur pig heart doing thump thump thump thump thump princess petahhhThe Best In The World = The Pest In The World w/ a pix of a rat, a wild bore or a mouseY2K = Y2MaverickHome Is Where The Heart Is = Home Is Where The Twat IsCharlotte = TwatletteSucceed = Suckseed, SucksexShanus AnusBad News Bareback = Bad News BarretRusef is a giant Russian douchebag: that's his role in WWEKnocked UpThe NannyCats live in cathousesWhitney & MJ duet from the other sideThe Ussos = UsoboosoBangology = The art of banging somebodyBack surgery = crack surgery = which do you want more I'll take neither but if it's fun I'm going to have, I'll take the crack surgeryGood Match = Good SnatchPetofile vs Pedofile: maybe I just like petting my pets. Children deserve respect, love and kindness from their caregivers Be the laughter you want to see in the worldIn Case of Fire, Pull Knob I got regressed by a regressionist (Hypnotist) recently and I found out that I was a cow in a previous life, a mole under someone's ass, a bike seat, a jockstrap, a pair of pantiesYogi & BooBoo: "Hey boo boo, it's Yogi, bend over Boo Boo." "Oh Yogi, I don't know..." "Come on Boo Boo, we haven't got all night long. You did it last night with me. But Yogi I was drunk last night." "Come on Boo Boo, just drink some more liquid courage and I'll go gentle this time..." "But Yogi, why do I always have to be on the bottom. I'd like to top you sometime." Oh, Boo Boo, I don't know if that's a good idea." "But Yogi"Species with dick: a whale, a donkey, a horseA whale has an 18-20" penis that's flaccid when softSpotted Dick is a product that comes from England = it's basically bread pudding with spots on it in a can...who wants to eat Spotted Dick as a tasty, sweet snack I'm so excited that I could shit my self. As a matter of fact, shitting my self. The idea was the highlight of my day.My real names Slutley. How are you doin', how are you doin'
A Simon & Schuster eBook. Simon & Schuster has a great book for every reader.
AS SHAMELESS AND HILARIOUS AS IT IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT What's the mating call of a blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk." How does a brunette recharge her love life? She changes the batteries. How is a redhead like a condom? They both spend most of their time in your wallet. Why did 18 blondes go to the movies together? The sign said: "Under seventeen not admitted." What does a redhead scream when climaxing? Her own name. Why does Ohio have brunettes and California have earthquakes? California had first choice. Why did the blonde sell her water skis? She couldn't find a lake on a hillside.
Enjoy the best of the best adult jokes, ever. 1,111 jokes for every occasion. More than 300 pages. The Categories: ✔ Short & Naughty ✔ Long & Dirty ✔ Blonde & Sexy ✔ Dirty Confucius All jokes have been carefully hand selected for being really funny!
As the name of this book suggests, these jokes are for adults only, and are not for prudes or anyone who is even mildly offended by vulgar, smutty, dirty, filthy, naughty, risqué and crude humour. I needed a break from writing romance and erotica and tried my hand at something light-hearted. I hope that you enjoy it. These are not like the stereotypical nude-nudge, wink-wink LGBT jokes of old. These are original jokes for people who celebrate diversity.
San Francisco is a city on the brink of panic... John Lescroart skilfully and subtly weaves together a story of a privileged youth on trial for murder, and an entire city on the brink of panic, taking this popular series to new heights of stylish suspense. Perfect for fans of Lee Child and John Sandford. 'Lescroart plays out clues with the patience and cunning of a master fly fisherman' - Orlando Sentinel To the outside world, it looks like Dismas Hardy is finally on top. A managing partner at his thriving law firm but beneath the surface bravado, Hardy has lost his faith in the law. Now he has a high-profile and challenging case: a seventeen-year-old arrested for the double slaying of his girlfriend and his English teacher. As the case moves swiftly to trial, Hardy can't even turn to his old friend Abe Glitsky for help. San Francisco has been seized by a wave of violence and an embattled Glitsky must somehow stop the criminal upsurge while being hounded by a hostile media. With the city on the verge of panic, Hardy's search for the truth takes him down a perilous path. With very little belief in his young client's innocence, and even less in the legal system, Hardy has to conquer his own demons if he is to clear his client... and save himself. What readers are saying about The Second Chair: 'Once again, Lescroart proves he is the master of this genre' 'The Second Chair is second to none' 'John Lescroart weaves a tangled web of suspense back and forth with thick intensity'
Okay, so naughty is not quite an accurate description. This little book is also rude, filthy, dirty, crude, suggestive, smutty, nudge-nudge wink-wink, outrageous, over-the-top, risqué and fun. If you like adult word games, jokes and steamy stories get your copy now. But, be warned, if you are easily shocked then it would be best to pass on this one.
CAN YOU SURVIVE A NINJA ATTACK? It will come without warning. It will be silent, ruthless and over in seconds. But will it be your end? When the barrage of razor-sharp ninja stars flies and the sword-wielding assassin charges, the secret ninja-killing techniques in this book will allow you to turn certain death into glorious victory.When Ninjas Attack is a comprehensive guide to defeating these black-clad warriors: *How to spot a ninja before it’s too late *Elite counter-assassination techniques *Booby traps to ninja-proof your home *Deadly weapons for dispatching an assailant *Secrets of ninja training and mind control *Infiltrating the world-wide network ofryus
If you loved The Aristocrats, have we got a book for you!However, for all you granola—eating, Birkenstock—wearing, tree—hugging, sensitive share—the—love wimps, keep moving if you value the purity of your mind. On the other hand, if you love a delightfully down and dirty joke, if you enjoy shocking the socks off the weenies of the world, then Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive will guarantee to have the PC Police knocking down your door. Enjoy hilarious vileness from some of the greatest comic minds in show biz: Drew Carey, Jason Alexander, Richard Belzer, Joan Rivers, Drew Carey, Gilbert Gottfried, Chris Elliot, Curb Your Enthusiasm's Susie Essman and Jeff Garlin, Richard Pryor, Jr. , Larry Amoros, Ice T, Pat Cooper, Adam Ferrara, Eddie Brill, Tony "Paulie Walnuts" Sirico, Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore, and Vince "Johny Sack" Curatola of The Sopranos, Jackie Mason, Lisa Lampanelli, Greg Giraldo, Colin Quinn, Artie Lange, Jackie "the Jokeman" Martling, Goumba Johnny, Jeffrey Ross, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (a. k. a. Robert Smigel). And a lot of other sick bastards.

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